Saturday, July 23, 2011

About that visitation you demanded

My ex-husband is psycho.  Really.

Since we first separated in August of 2009, he has never ever followed any kind of visitation schedule or custody order. 

I filed for divorce in November of '09 and asked him to create a schedule.  He refused.  He wanted the children on call.  He wanted to get them at a moment's notice.  I put my foot down and told him that he must give me 24 hours notice or he couldn't take the children.

My Psycho Ex-Husband (PEH) demanded the kids with only a couple of hours notice, so I said "No."  He came to the house anyway.  I ignored him.  He OPENED MY FRONT DOOR AND STARTED CALLING THE KIDS.  Understand, I was not living at the former marital home.  This was my separate residence and he had absolutely NO RIGHTS to enter my home.  I called the cops.  He left before they arrived.

Yes, my front door is always locked now.

There was finally an agreed-upon custody order entered in December of '10.  There was a problem with the order caused by my (now former) attorney.  Instead of trying to work around the problem, he went around telling anyone who would listen that I was refusing visitation.  I was not.

PEH repeated his story so often that he started believing it and even filed an affidavit declaring that I was not permitting visitation. 

After the divorce was final he sent me an email that included this little gem:
I feel betrayed by the way you handled the children’s relationship with their father, over the last 18 months.  There is no reason I shouldn’t be able to see the boys on a regular basis, with your blessing and without preconditions. 

You'll note that he refers to himself in the third person.  Odd.  You'll also note that he thinks there should be NO preconditions on his visitation.  While he says he wants to see them "on a regular basis" he has never once created or been willing to hold to a schedule.

In real life, schedules and preconditions are a part of parenting for those who are divorced.

Moving on to the present...

Two weeks ago PEH and I went back to court to rectify the problems in the custody agreement caused by my former attorney.  We were able to come to an agreement right before court and then we went into the courtroom to read the agreement into the record.

The new parenting plan included a very slight increase to visitation for PEH and a few other alterations.  It was to take effect yesterday.  After court, PEH asked to take the children out to lunch, and I agreed.  This was the first time he had seen them since Christmas Day.

Then PEH asked to have the boys for the mid-week visitation as outlined in the new agreement.  I agreed even though it was a different night than the mid-week visitation that he NEVER ONCE used under the old custody agreement.  That happened earlier this week and went pretty well.

Then we come to yesterday. The day the new agreement was supposed to go into effect.  The new terms are that PEH gets the children every other weekend after school or at 3 pm when school is not in session.  So, 3 pm arrives and...


My older daughter suggested that maybe PEH is confused about the time and thinks that pickup is 5 pm like it is for the mid-week visit.  So, we wait until 5 pm and...

:more crickets:

Yes, folks, my PEH is not capable of following a schedule.  He has maintained his perfect record.  Never once in the 23 months since our separation has he been able to create and follow a schedule for visitation with his children.

You may be wondering how the kids feel about it.

They feel relieved.

The minor children are in their mid/late teens.  They're still angry about the first time he moved out of the house 3 years ago.  He looked at the kids, then at the floor, and told them he didn't consider how it would affect them if he moved away.  They're still angry and hurt at the way PEH treated them and me over the years.  They've had enough of being jerked around by their father.  And, yes, they ARE in therapy.

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